Communication style in Spain

Spanish talk may seem noisy to someone used to calm: people speak with enthusiasm and speed, speech overlaps, hands are used a lot to express, and courteous phrases and friendly exaggeration such as ¡Qué bien!, ¡Genial!

• and ¡Ni hablar!
• are repeated.
• This does not mean anger or rudeness but is a sign of interest and warmth.
• They express their feelings openly, so you may hear great praise or complaint in a loud voice in the cafe without meaning a problem.
• On the other hand, long silence in conversation may seem uncomfortable.
• Take part in the conversation with enthusiasm and do not be afraid of a gentle interruption.
• And remember that friendly expression of opinion is accepted and welcomed.

Spanish has two words for you: the informal tú and the formal usted.

• Tú is used with friends, family, children, young people, most colleagues and neighbours and in many informal places, while usted is used with older people in formal situations, clients, institutions and sometimes addressing the elderly out of respect.
• Today the use of tú is growing even with strangers in shops and bars, especially among young people.
• If you are unsure begin with usted, and if the other person says tutéame or puedes tutearme use tú. The first name is usually used.
• And your mistakes here are not a problem, since people forgive non-native speakers.

Spaniards stand closer when talking than in northern Europe, and touch the arm or shoulder during friendly talk.

• Greeting with two kisses on the cheeks (dos besos) is common between women and between a man and a woman on getting acquainted in social settings, and between friends, and on occasions, and a handshake between men often, and a hug between close friends.
• In formal settings or at a first meeting at work a handshake is enough.
• If you do not shake hands or kiss for religious reasons say so kindly and put your hand on your chest and smile, and most Spaniards respect that.
• And begin with greeting on entering any small place such as a shop and a bar with Buenos días or Buenas tardes.

Time in social matters is flexible: a dinner or party may start half an hour after the time, and the phrase ahora voy meaning I am coming now may mean in a while, and quedamos sobre las nueve meaning we meet around nine may mean after nine.

• But punctuality for formal appointments such as work, doctors and administrations is important.
• When invited ask about the actual time.
• And small talk about the weather, holidays, food, football, family and tradition is familiar everywhere, and they ask questions about your personal life that you may see as nosy such as family, marriage and children, and they do not mean to intrude but to show interest.
• They like to talk about food and travel.
• Answer kindly or change the subject politely.

Spanish humour is present everywhere, and includes friendly irony and joking with strangers, and people may joke with you sharply without intent to offend.

• Enthusiastic discussion about politics, football and religion is accepted, and voices may rise and then end with a smile, so do not take it as a quarrel.
• In a misunderstanding ask directly and kindly ¿Quieres decir que...?
• meaning do you mean that...
• and do not wait for the other to deduce your annoyance.
• Spaniards appreciate a sincere apology and courtesy.
• If you feel discrimination or abuse speak clearly or report to the competent bodies.
• And remember that regional differences are large: northerners are more reserved, southerners more open, and each region has its dialects and character.

What does dos besos mean?