Communication style in Italy

Italians use tu with friends, family, children, colleagues of the same age and in youth circles, and Lei (in the feminine singular form) with strangers, the elderly, officials, clients and businesspeople in formal situations, and voi for the plural or for the formal form in some places.

• When in doubt use Lei until the other suggests Diamoci del tu, that is let us address each other with tu. Titles are used a lot: Dottore/Dottoressa for anyone holding a university degree, Ingegnere, Avvocato, Professore and Signor/Signora.
• And not using the title is sometimes disrespectful.
• And in many modern companies tu prevails between colleagues even with the manager.
• And with children, young people and family avoid excessive formality since it may seem cold.

Gestures are part of the Italian language, and have many meanings: gathering the fingers and moving them upward means What do you want?

• or What is this?, a hand movement under the chin means I do not care, and rubbing the thumb and index finger means money.
• Some gestures are offensive such as the middle finger or the fingers like horns (cornuto) that means a marital insult and sometimes luck.
• Learn the common ones to understand and beware of the offensive.
• Looking in the eyes is a sign of interest and honesty, so avoid avoiding the gaze.
• And Italians move their hands while speaking, and that does not mean anxiety.
• And imitating light gestures may make dialogue natural, but do not exaggerate or imitate what you do not understand.
• And notice body language before interpreting situations.

Italians speak in a higher tone than some newcomers are used to, and voices overlap in discussion without hostility.

• Interruption is a sign of interest and participation, so do not wait a long turn and do not hesitate to give your opinion.
• They tend to be direct in opinions but with social politeness, and say magari, boh and dipende to express hesitation.
• Harsh public criticism may be considered an insult and may make you lose face, so it is better to criticise gently and in private.
• And at the table friendly argument about football, politics and food is frequent, so do not take it seriously.
• And your smile and friendly tone help a lot.
• And avoid excessive talk about money or religion with strangers at first.

On meeting men shake hands warmly with direct eye contact, and Italian men and women kiss their acquaintances on the cheek (baci) usually twice between women and between a man and a woman among friends.

• Male relatives and close friends may embrace.
• Personal distance is shorter than customary in northern Europe, and a speaker may touch your arm during conversation.
• If you do not shake hands with women or do not embrace them for religious reasons you can put your hand on your chest with a smile and the word piacere and most people will understand, and it is preferable to explain gently.
• Do not be upset if someone touches you since that is warmth.
• And at work and with officials dealing is more formal with a handshake only.

Italians use WhatsApp widely for work and social life, and send long voice messages, and formal messages are by email in a polite form starting with Gentile (dear) and ending with Cordiali saluti.

• A reply is expected within a working day, but replies may sometimes be late so do not interpret that as neglect.
• Common mistakes include: addressing the elderly or employees with tu directly, raising your voice in anger in official places, ignoring the greeting on entering and leaving shops (Buongiorno and Arrivederci), speaking in a very low voice so that you are understood to be uninterested, and not explaining the reason for refusal gently.
• And remember that apology and thanks, Grazie, Prego, Scusi and Per favore, are used a lot, so use them too.

When do you use Lei?