Communication style in the Netherlands

When a Dutch person says no he means no, and when he says yes he means yes, and does not rely on hints.

• He may say to you that does not look good or I disagree without much softening, which is not a personal attack but a frank sharing of his opinion.
• They expect you to say clearly what you want and do not want.
• Do not expect them to guess your wishes, since if you do not tell them they will not know.
• In return they like equality: a student addresses the teacher by first name, an employee can politely disagree with his manager, and people tend not to show wealth or status.
• Humility is valued, and someone who boasts is looked at with suspicion.

Dutch has two words for you: the informal je/jij and the formal u. Je is used with friends, family, children, most colleagues, neighbours, young people and in many informal places, while u is used with much older people in formal situations, in institutions such as banks, in official correspondence and in some professions.

• Most Dutch people today switch to je quickly even at work, so do not be bothered if an employee or manager uses it with you.
• If you are not sure begin with u politely, and if the other person says zeg maar je meaning just say je then use it. Mistakes here are forgiven and cause no problems.

Dutch people rely on the agenda and plan everything in advance, even a meeting between friends, and you may hear I will be free in three weeks.

• Do not be surprised that a surprise visit is unusual, and they prefer that you call and set an appointment.
• Punctuality is important: arriving ten minutes late without informing counts as disrespectful, and arriving two minutes early is acceptable.
• Late cancellation of an appointment is not acceptable except for a reason.
• You are expected to keep your promise or to inform early of its change.
• And remember that the family sits together for dinner at about six, so do not call or visit at that time.
• Efficiency and organisation are valued.

Dutch people shake hands at a first meeting, and between close friends they kiss three times on the cheeks (drie zoenen) on occasions, but hugging is less common with strangers.

• Touching shoulders or hands between the sexes is often not done with those you do not know, and if you do not shake hands for religious reasons say so kindly.
• Small talk (praatje) about the weather, holidays, work, sport and family is familiar in lifts, waiting and cafés, but questions about salary or the price you paid for your house or age may be less appropriate.
• Honest talk is appreciated instead of exaggerated compliments.
• And speak in a calm voice since shouting in public places is undesirable.

Dutch humour is dry and ironic and sometimes relies on wordplay and self-deprecation, and people may tease you frankly, so do not always take it seriously.

• Serious discussion is accepted and welcomed, and may turn into a sharp friendly argument without meaning enmity.
• In a misunderstanding ask directly and calmly Bedoel je dat...?
• meaning do you mean that...
• and do not wait for the other to discover your annoyance.
• Dutch people respect a sincere apology and admitting a mistake.
• If you feel you faced discrimination or abuse speak clearly or report to the competent body.
• And remember that there is great diversity, since some are more reserved and warmer than others.

How is a direct reply usually understood in the Netherlands?